Parents's Corner
15-2-2023 作者：伍婉雯
I grew up in a "comparative" environment
"My sister is very smart, she can understand it as soon as she’s been taught, why don't I understand it after so many attempts?"
"Look at the other kids, how cool and wild you are, you just keep silent all day long!"
"When you were young, you weren't as bold as your younger brother. You were startled, so you always shout!"
Have you heard the above conversations? Recently, I talked with several parents, which reminded me of my childhood memories. Now that I have grown up, I still remember these sentences vividly. These sentences do occupy a place in my heart, and they will come to my mind from time to time.
I am the middle child in my family, with older sisters and older brothers and younger sisters. In previous eras, "comparison" was a common occurrence. Under "comparison", there was a difference between high and low. The self-confidence of the "high" party may be improved, and on the contrary, the "lower" party will subtly feel inferior. Feeling, thinking that I have nothing to do. I believe that our four brothers and sisters grew up in this high and low "comparative" environment, which more or less affected our self-worth.
Now that I am a mother, I will be particularly vigilant about my children's evaluation, worrying that it will have a negative impact on them. In addition to reducing the term "comparison", I also try my best to help children improve their self-worth and self-esteem. Here are some commonly used methods.
Find out the advantages of children from the small
Many times, some parents focus on achievements and results. Children are only appreciated if they achieve desirable grades or awards. In fact, when we interact with our children, we can observe them from a small point and discover the beauty and goodness of their characters. For example, when a child sees a group of ants walking on the road, he steps over the ant road carefully, we can praise him: "You are so caring, you step over the ants, you don't want to hurt them."
Positively encourage children
Parents can directly and positively state their requirements and expectations to their children. For example, "Please look at your mother and say good morning! Then your mother will think you are a polite child.", so as to avoid disciplining children by blaming, humiliating or shouting. In this way, the child can clearly grasp the parents' thoughts and expectations, so as to try to modify their behaviour.
Improve problem-solving ability
When children tell their parents that they encounter difficulties, parents can guide the children to share the difficult situations they encounter and help them think about how to deal with them. We need to adjust the content and form of the discussion according to the children's ability to understand, and explain in simplified terms, so as to increase children's participation and sense of competence.
Ability to boost self-confidence
The improvement of children's self-confidence should also be accumulated from successful experiences. Parents may wish to give their children more opportunities to develop: children can learn to take care of the family or help with housework and get specific appreciation from parents. Once children are affirmed, they can slowly build self-confidence.
Finally, as children grow up, it is inevitable that there will be times when they question their own abilities, and they may say things that demean their self-worth. At this time, we can respond to the child's emotions first, and then instill a positive and optimistic attitude into the child. With the love, care and encouragement of parents, children will definitely learn to become more confident and happier people in their daily parent-child relationship.
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